PUT ME IN COACH - M'S GEMS

By Melissa Goldberg

We continue to honor our dads and the important men in our lives.

This past week we bid adieu to John Wooden, one of basketballs greatest coaches. He was a man who influenced many folks in the world of basketball.

While reading about this legend, I came upon a great quote. Bill Walton (Basketball Player and Television Newscaster) once said, “To play for John Wooden, was the greatest thrill of my life. In four years, Wooden taught us everything weʼd ever need to know. Not about basketball, about life.”

Wow, Thanks Bill. I could not have said it better myself. There are so many coaches who have made a tremendous impact on our lives. If back in high school or college you played a sport or if you were on a little league team in your youth, you may have been given the gift of playing for a great coach.

During the show Put Me In Coach, we spoke with Joe Maniscalco from Long Island, who is a dad to 4 beautiful girls, an attorney by day and a coach for girlʼs fast pitch and softball after hours. He offered some great perspective and lessons he has learned over the years while coaching young athletes.

Even if you are not going to be standing on a soccer field or in a dugout anytime soon, here are a few coaching tips that may give you a home team advantage.

Have a Goal - When the softball season begins, Joe meets with his team on day 1, he makes sure to understand what each individual players goals are for the season. Most times the goal is not the obvious “to win the championship” and so sitting down and talking with his players is essential.

The pool in our neighborhood recently opened for the season and one of my sonʼs friends jumped off the diving board in the big pool. My son, although doing very well with his swimming skills is not quite ready to pass the deep pool swimming test. He is not allowed to jump into the diving pool until he passes the test. So, we sat down and talked about some goals. I asked him what he wants to do and he said jump off the diving board. We then discussed what he needed to do, how he can do it and how long it might take. We communicated. That is most important part. Coaches communicate with their players so that they know what they need to do to make them better players. We too as parents must communicate and find out what our children want so that we can help them get it.

Encourage Mistakes - “Thereʼs no crying in baseball” (from the movie, A League Of Their Own, 1992) Actually, there is, and that is OKAY. I bet if you sit back and think about some of the things you know for a fact. It is usually because originally you were wrong. How about those tricky words you always spell correctly? I know the ones I always spell right were the ones I got wrong on my school spelling tests. I can visualize the red X across the word. Even as adults we learn from our mistakes and so it is necessary to teach our children that mistakes are not a bad thing as long as you learn from them.

Winning Isnʼt Everything - Joe told a great story about the team he coached last year. The girls lost almost 80% of the seasons games, but at the season end party, the parents expressed their joy and gratitude to Coach Joe. Although they did not win, their children had a great season and had many wonderful experiences. They made new friends, they got better at the sport and in their positions. Nobody “wins” in the game of life, but we do get to enjoy many little victories.

Everyone Has Something To Offer - On a sports team, even in the pros, you rarely find anyone who can do everything. Some players can throw a ball better, some can bat better. Others are faster runners and some catch better.

This lesson can go both ways. Let your kids know that they are not perfect and that is OKAY. When they are frustrated remind them of how well they do in other areas. On the other hand, there may be other kids they play with that may not be as good as they are in some areas and so, it is important to teach our kids that they should never make others feel bad for not being as good as they are in doing something.

Positive Reinforcement - “You can do it” (movie, Waterboy, 1998) My husband and I use the term “catch them doing good.” Children look to please their parents. They want to make us proud and when you offer your children positive reinforcement, you are coaching or better yet conditioning them to continue doing good. Adults like a little “PR” too. I am sitting here watching a MLB baseball game on TV. The pitcher on the mound is struggling to get an out. The team coach just came to the mound and said something in the pitchers ear. Sure enough, the next pitch he threw was a strike. I bet the coach gave his player a bit of positive reinforcement. Or, maybe he said “Throw a Strike, Please”. Weʼll never know.

Be Instructive, Not Destructive – Coach Joe shared another coaching tip he applies. Offer 5 positives things a player did right to every 1 thing they did wrong. This applies at home too. Coach Joe gave a great example about a player getting out. He said a good way to coach is to tell the player “your stance was good, you held the bat well, you really kept your eye on the ball, just when you swung, you twisted your wrist, which caused it to pop up.” Also, and this applies to everyone, grown ups and kids, it is not what you say, but how you say it.

Praise Effort - Have you ever gotten your child to try something really really healthy and they donʼt like it, but they swallowed that bite? The fact that they made an effort to try something new is well worth a high-five! There's a lot to say about a kid who steps up to the plate and it takes courage to swing that bat. Our kids love a good pat on the back and will continue to make efforts if they know they will receive some praise.

Teach The Sport, Not Just The Skill - we show our kids how to do things all the time, but when we also teach them the reason for doing these things, you turn on that motivation switch. When my kids were not brushing their teeth effectively, I discussed why we brush our teeth and how important it is to take good care of our teeth. I also bought them really over priced fancy toothbrushes, but thatʼs a whole other story. So, although they knew how to brush and had the skill, they really did not understand the sport.

Enjoy it - Unless your getting paid to play a sport, the reason you are out there on the field is to have a good time. Sometimes, us parents think we know what our kids are going to like. Or, because they are a certain size and shape, we think they would be great at a sport. It is essential to check in with our kids and make sure they are still having a great time.

So, metaphorically speaking, I feel like I was an “All Star” at work today. I had a goal, I strategized, I planned, I worked with others, I organized my equipment. I made a couple of mistakes, got back up and kept on going and hey, I even took one for the team...

Mommas, Enjoy the sidelines and thank your coaches!!

Mʼs Gems