SMILE FOR DADDY - M'S GEMS

By: Melissa Goldberg

“Good Morning, Roz, my succulent little garden snail. And, who will we be scaring today?“ ~ Mike Wazowaski, from the movie Monsterʼs Inc.

Okay, Monsterʼs Inc., one of my favorite movies of all time. This movie is brilliant, it takes all of our childhood fears and puts them into 92 minutes of laughs. Our children go through many stages of development and with that they become more aware of the big things out there and this often makes them fearful. On one hand, it is wonderful to observe our children use their imaginations. When they play house or store, or they pretend they are space aliens or transformer fighters. On the other hand those big imaginations can also lead to natural fears and it is our job as Mommas to help our children get pass them.

This week we spoke with Dr. Derek Faktor and discussed one popular fear both children and adults often face, The Dentist. Dr. Faktor, offered many great ideas and tips in helping to make the dentist visit, an experience we can look forward too.

What is the fear? Parents are on a constant schedule of solving our childrenʼs problems, which is fine, but often we assume what the problem is and then get frustrated when our solution hasnʼt helped the situation. Communication is really always the best solution when raising kids. Even though there are common fears most children experience, such as going to the dentist, sometimes itʼs for different reasons. When it comes to the dentist, donʼt assume your child is afraid of pain or the instruments used. It could be the big light shining down or the mask the dentist is wearing. Let them tell you what it is they are afraid of and this will help in easing your childʼs emotions.

Whose fear is it anyway? Often times our children will become fearful of something because we are afraid of it. One good example is the fear of bees. If your child sees you jump up, freak out and go crazy over a bee, chances are your child is going to be a bit scared of the bee as well.

Share your failures - My children love to hear stories about my childhood or stories about their Aunts when they were little girls. To be perfectly honest, even if it didnʼt really happen, when my daughter hears about her heros also being in the same predicament it always helps her get to the next step in trying to be less afraid. Often, the stories are true and Ellie wants to hear more about what happened next.

Showʼem how to do it! - Why not go through the fear and lead by example? When my little one was scared to go down the slide, first, I went down and then we went down together, and now, I canʼt get her off the slide. This also applies to stranger danger. Our kids are often a bit scared of new people and when they see us comfortable with a person, they become secure that this person is not a stranger.

Keep them in the loop - Dr. Derek offered several tips that he uses in gaining trust with his patients. He makes sure to let his patient know what he is doing every step of the way. This is an important practice to use everyday with our children. The reason our children fear, is because they are scared of the unknown, wait? Donʼt we adults fear the unknown as well? I remember when I used to babysit in my teenage years, the parents used to sneak out. They didnʼt want to upset the little boy and so they waited until he was engaged in an activity and then they would tip toe out the back door. The problem with that theory is, when this little boy discovered his parents were gone he became scared. It would have been better to say goodbye and let the child know they would be back in a little while.

Bring a buddy - The lucky thing about being a twin is that you usually have a buddy to experience all these things with. I think it helps take the pressure off a bit when you are not alone. Perhaps book an appointment with a friend whose child also has to go to the dentist. You can also have your child bring his favorite bear or blanket. These objects from home are very comforting to children when they are in new places.

Compliment - Our kids take pleasure in making us happy. These little statements of encouragement and reinforcement are essential to helping our kids get past their fears. Choose your words carefully. I admit there are times I really want to say, “Man up, will ya!” but, I know this is probably not a good practice of positive reinforcement. Better words of comfort are; “Itʼs okay to be afraid” or “Mommy and Daddy will keep you safe.”

Small steps - A good example is my daughterʼs fear of big dogs. We have a dog and so her fear was surprising to me, but I realized over the last year, she gets really uncomfortable near big dogs. She hasnʼt had a bad experience but, she does have a huge imagination and so what ever it is going on in her mind, makes her scared of big dogs. We are taking it slow. Each time she meets a big dog, we make sure to stay by her side, talk to her, and allow her to ease into the situation.

Make it fun - Our childrenʼs fears are serious, but if we can bring some humor or fun into the situation it always helps. Many kids are scared that there are monsters under their bed, so taking a spray bottle and filling it with water and writing monster repellent on it may help your child rid their fear of monsters each night before bed.

Even as an adult I still have fears. My fears are a bit different. Kind of like, instead of monsters in my closet or under my bed I have fears of not being there for my children when they need me or having an important meeting on the same day as the first day of school. Because of the everlasting comfort and support I get from my Mom and Dad when I need some reassurance, I pick up the phone and I call home.

Mʼs Gemʼs