The fabulous Sophia Loren has said the pearl “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child (and I'll add and husband, parents, pets, teachers, Gulf of Mexico...).”
Mom’s double and triple think things over particularly when it comes to our children that it is a miracle when we spare a thought for ourselves.
Yet our connection to ourselves is of utmost importance to sustain our own health as well as our family’s health as a whole. After all, “a happy mom = a happy home” yet being happy and connected to ourselves is often the last on our endless to do list.
There are days when I just need to catch my breath. Why? Because, contrary to popular belief, I am not superwoman. When I do stop, I usually sleep, meditate or go out, take a walk or get lost in a new environment. Time outs have gotten a bad wrap when they are in fact a good thing.
One such time out happened after a good friend’s grandma’s funeral. The room was filled with people and it was very clear this woman had fans. I thought about my own mortality, my departed loved ones and how fast time passes.
During the service, the rabbi talked about our memories, (I don’t remember the exact words uh, because it’s rude to take notes or tweet during a funeral) and the quality of them is what passes on and how we live on in our family’s hearts and minds. I do not want to be remembered as the sacrificial lamb.
Many moms will not take a day off. One of the reasons is that they fear of what they’ll come back to. In many ways it’s easier not to go then spend time when you return cleaning up and putting things back into your perfect order.
I didn’t fully understand this until recently when I was not feeling well for one day. So I sat that day out. Only to wake up with my car keys nowhere to be found and my mini-world turned upside down. I mean, I’m out of commission for one day, ONE DAY, and my world goes to pot.
Other moms simply cannot take a day off, particularly single moms. It’s just not an option as there’s no support structure for someone else to step in and watch the children.
My dear friend Macha was saying how society and your neighbors need to step in and lend a hand. (I know, she’s French.) They actually do that stuff across the pond, but here, no, most moms feel they are entirely on their own. Could you imagine the gall of walking across to your neighbor’s house and asking them to watch your kids or just dropping them off with some diapers and saying “here’s my kids, see ya!” I am definitely in favor for a new mommy movement where moms get more than one day a year off. And that day (Mother's Day) is suspect at best. Could you imagine? Mandatory time outs for moms??? Every day (or night if you opt for the night shift) you punched out your time card and was officially off duty and you actually received an overtime bonus for your extra hours and double, triple shifts (and that’s on a slow week!).
Alas, that is the dreamer in me. Moms are always on call, more so than any doctor.
Yet when those few precious moments of “freedom” present themselves, many moms don’t know what to do with themselves. Most of us seize the opportunity to run an errand like food shopping, laundry or something else that is family tied.
This is not an approved time out and the new Momsters union will not allow this! You must take some time that is for you and YOU alone. Or make like Thelma and Louise and grab your girlfriends (fellow Momsters who fall into that "you plural" category) and go off on an adventure.
Momsters will be always be there to remind you that you are fabulous and bring you back to your center even when you feel that all your thoughts are on spin cycle.
The new Momsters Union mantra would go something like this:
One day your kids will up and leave the nest.
Until that day comes you need your breaks and days of rest.
These days come few and far between
Yet when they do grab ‘em and make like you’re the queen.
Take a walk, run, or hit the road.
Whatever you do.
Wherever you go.
There’s something that you should always know
Your family will be waiting for you safely at home.
Refreshed and renewed, you will be happy to see them too!
Time outs are your key to remaining Mommalysscious!!
Copyright © 2010 Cynthia Litman d/b/a Tigris Imprints. All Rights Reserved.
MORE INFORMATION:
Luckily in New York and there are great resources available to moms who are in need of a mommy time out
Lyss Stern (Diva Moms Founder) joins us on the Mommas Pearls Radio Show.. :) http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mommaspearls/2010/07/14/momalysscious
Check with your local religious or community group for local events and groups.
Check for local mommy groups, google "mommy group"