Stepping Stones - M'S GEMS

By: Melissa Goldberg

Camp season has officially begun and every year I get a slight pang in my heart because Iʼm not heading off to camp myself. There is something about those camp years that hold a dear and special place in my heart. If you never went to camp I donʼt expect you to understand why camp holds such a high level of affection. For those who have experienced a summer or two, or ten at camp you probably know how much children learn in only 8 weeks of the year. I still remember the days after camp was over and I would return home. I felt a lot more mature, I felt more self-sufficient and independent. I have to wonder if my parents noticed the drastic changes each year? I wonder if they were happy or a little sad knowing that after 8 weeks I had become a different person?

As an adult and now as a parent, I never realized how hard it was to teach my children about independence, but additionally, how hard it could be to let go. A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were out with a couple who have a 10-year-old daughter. My friend mentioned how her daughter had recently started going to the restroom by herself in restaurants. Now, at first you think, Okay, what’s the big deal? But really, that’s a tough one as a parent.

On one side you want to encourage independence and personally youʼd like to continue eating your delicious meal while itʼs hot, so, of course the idea of your child going off on their own to the restroom is a wonderful thing. However, the idea of your little girl heading across the restaurant, out of your sight and alone in a room where strangers can lurk, is a bit scary. Perhaps itʼs only the first time they leave the table alone that the 5 minutes they are gone feel like 50 minutes, but letting go as a parent is a lot harder than you would think.

There are many ways to encourage and promote independence. Maybe camp is one of those settings that do a great job at that, and thatʼs why kids seem to grow up so much faster over the summer.

Itʼs been less then a week at camp and already my kids have started doing new things on their own. The camp drop off procedure allows the parents, to pull up and have the counselors take the kids from the cars. This morning, my kids unbuckled themselves and jumped out on their own, they barely said goodbye to me as they ran off to their groups. On one hand, I was impressed and thought this is great and then on the other hand I thought, uh oh, they can open the door and get out on their own, am I ready for that? Whether you have or havenʼt sent your little ones off to camp this summer, here are some Gems when trying to find a balance between promoting independence verses keeping a watchful eye.

Risk Taking - It's funny when I try to remember why at camp I found myself doing new things. I realized I never had a counselor shouting “be careful” or “are you sure you want to go up there?” Instead I have vivid memories of my counselors being very encouraging, like when we went to Ramboland and were taking turns up the very high flying zipper line, and saying things like “you can do it!” or “give it a shot, I know you can make it!” Itʼs natural to be over protective and nervous when our little ones try something new, but when they do get the courage to get up and try something new, no matter what the outcome, we are always so proud.

Decision Making - At camp, mom and dad were not there to make decisions or do things for me, I needed to figure things out by myself. For example, do gray socks go into the whites or the color bag? Encouraging our kids to make decisions is important. Iʼll admit, I grow very impatient at the ice-cream truck when my daughter canʼt decide which ice-cream treat she would like. Decisions are really difficult, even for adults. I admit, sometimes I canʼt decide which flavor to get at the ice cream truck either.

Personal Responsibility - In our house we use the word consequences. If my kids donʼt take care of their toys, there will be consequences and they will not be able to play with them. As children grow up, you continue to introduce additional personal responsibilities. Our children become responsible for their behavior, their personal items and financial responsibilities. Just like the way we drill Please andThank you to be used daily, personal responsibility should be instilled as habits as well. Even as adults, we need to improve and build on our own personal responsibility.

Children Learn from their Mistakes - Children of all ages are going to be faced with making mistakes. Sometimes they are going to be physical and many times emotional and other times with consequences. I donʼt have teenagers, but this is probably the hardest stage of parenting. When do you step back and let your children make their own mistakes? When do you intervene? The ironic thing is, we as parents will probably make some blunders with our own children. Teach your children to learn from their mistakes and figure out how they would do it the next time they fall into a similar situation. Kind of like the time Cynthia and I decided to go on a raid to the boys bunk, we should have waited until the counselors were asleep instead of heading out in dark clothes at 10:00 PM.

Self Reliance - On the first day of camp, as my parentʼs car drove down the road and out of sight, that feeling came over me. I was so happy to be at camp with my friends, but at the same time I was alone and on my own. I was always a little sad. When my bags were unpacked and my bed was set up with some posters from the tiger beat magazines and some pictures of my family hung up, I knew I was in good hands and felt secure. Our children are all very different and so pushing a bit of independence is good for kids, but when itʼs done too soon it can backfire and cause insecurities. We need to make sure our kids are on board and excited to try new things on their own.

Diplomatic Resolution - A game of Rochambeau (a.k.a. Rock, Paper, Scissors) is an easy way to help children learn the art of reasonable negotiation. In camp, we had a work wheel which helped resolve internal bunk issues such as who showers first and who showers last. If you had the crappiest chore that day, you got to shower first. If you had the lamest job, you showered last. I wish I could make a paper plate work wheel at my current workplace, weʼd probably spend less time trying to figure out who does what.


Earning Trust - Trust works both ways when it comes to our children and their independence. If you do not trust that your children can handle certain situations, then you are not going budge when they ask you to loosen the reigns. On the other hand, if our children do not trust that we have their backs, then they may refrain from taking chances. The best way to build trust is to keep the lines of communication open. Yup, I went there - The C word, itʼs the key to all relationships.

Thanks for allowing me to share some of my finest memories of camp!! Stay cool...

~ Mʼs Gems