STEPPING STONES

By: Cynthia Litman


Pearl of the Day: A Pathway to Yourself

My parents frequently remind me of the pearl “We’ll be there for you, but we’re not going to do it for you.”

Little by little, step by step we grow into ourselves. When we are first born, we breathe air for the first time and they cut the chord. That is our first step to independence. F-R-E-E-D-O-M!! I think not.


BABY STEPS 
We are so helpless and reliant on our parental units for well, everything. We slowly master very small skills at each new phase in order to grasp a deeper breath of independence. Bit by bit you do more by yourself, think for yourself, feed yourself, relieve yourself and fend for yourself.


STEPPING STONES
Yet when do you ever truly gain full independence? We are all so interdependent that independence seems like an oxymoron. Sure I’ve come to do things for myself and have always been headstrong, especially as a toddler, but there are times now where I just wish someone would do it for me.

Looking back I was such in a rush to grow up and had little use for parents. I was talking with my cousin, Dr. Joanna Dolgoff, who repeated the pearl “childhood is wasted on the young”. You got that right, for when you look back you realize how good you had it.

THROWING STONES
I remember going off to sleepaway camp. Ahhh camp. That’s where my story really begins. My first sense of true independence. A playground to test my skills, social, mental, physical, hormonal…

I loved my summers at camp. I was but a few of my “home” friends who went off to camp and welcomed the change of scenery. I had “camp” friends, I mean, like, totally, how cool is that??

Camp time is exaggerated in the sense that the days feel like weeks and the weeks like months. That said, you can have some pretty long ass days at camp. My first camp boyfriend lasted all of 7 hours and in that time we kissed, went to the movies, were the center of gossip and alas, broke up. In camp time that’s 7 weeks and gives Hollywood a run for its money.

Yet there were days where I was desperately home sick and would have killed for a lullaby from my daddy. Back in the ancient days when I went to camp, computers, emails and cell phones were just on the brink of invention. So the only way to communicate with home was by snail mail and land line telephones.

Except as campers you couldn’t call out, you had to wait for your parents to call you. That was a great moment, when you heard your name paged over the loudspeaker “Cynthia, please answer the phone in Al Bass Hall.” “Me, really?” Off I’d go, booking my ass as fast as I could to the nearest of 5 phones (total on acres upon acres of campground). Excitedly and panting I’d scream “HI MOM!!”

So while you are without your parents you wait for your parents mail and even better – packages! They’d sneak in candy and food – the old gum in the maxi pads trick. However, parents were on call in case you got unruly or caught on a raid or something like that, not that I ever did --- get caught that is….

Camp helped prepare me to be on my own for college, law school and later marriage.

Little did I realize then but I see now with my friends who have kids going off to sleepaway camp that it’s actually the parents who are looking forward to putting their kids on the bus for the summer. F-R-E-E-D-O-M!

BIG BOULDER
My cousin was also saying how she was at the pool on a day when the kids had camp and the adults were off work, so it was a bunch of adults lounging around but eyeballing and counting down the clock until the kids came home.

As a parent you are more responsible then you’ve ever been before and while you are an “independent” unit it’s the first real time you’ve had legitimate dependents. And in many ways you become dependent on your children, at least your schedules seem to revolve around them.

LITTLE PEBBLES
My daughter’s new saying is “I Do It Myself”. Everything and anything she wants to do herself. Now she’s off to camp, albeit a half day two’s program but camp nonetheless and her first drop off – no mommy in sight class. So far so good!  

She is taking her first steps towards building the platform for herself and her independence. Little does she or my son know that Melissa and I are already planning our camp comeback. That is, when our kids go off to camp, we’re gonna go work there!

When I reminisce I realize just how far I’ve come and how much I have accomplished on my own yet with my parents having my back. I so often forget of the mini milestones my children accomplish until I observe my growing by leaps and bounds 9 month old niece and her race to grow up, talk, pull herself up and eat real food.

She’s working so very hard at advancing to the next phase to which I say, “don’t rush it kid, enjoy your baby steps!!”

Copyright © 2010 Cynthia Litman d/b/a Tigris Imprints. All Rights Reserved.

"Stepping Stones" digital artwork courtesy of Henning Ludvigsen http://www.henningludvigsen.com