Pea Brain - M'S GEMS

By: Melissa Goldberg

I woke up this morning with butterflies in my stomach. One part nervousness and one part excitement. Today wasn’t the official first day of school, but an opportunity for my little ones to meet their new teachers and see their new classroom. I never thought about how all this would play out before having children. To be honest, the idea of them heading off to school didn’t even seem existent when they were babies, but time flies and my little ones are heading off to kindergarten next week.

The process of how and what children learn is fascinating. I am a huge sucker for a child raising book. I probably have read every book out there and often I become alarmed about the way I’m parenting. Am I doing it all wrong and have I messed up my kids for life? The truth is, I try to take a broad approach to what I read and what I am willing to practice.  As a person who needs to know the "why" behind the "what", I feel better reading every book on parenting, just so I know my options.

In case you didn’t know, and I throw this out there half sarcastically, there is a lot more for us parents to teach our children beyond their “Please and Thank You’s”. As much as I like to think my job is get my kids to the front door of school and entrust that their wonderful teachers will help my kids learn everything they need in life, it doesn’t work that way. The truth is, I have learned more over the last 5 years then I have ever learned before. I have gotten to experience childhood all over again, but from a new perspective and it has allowed me to understand things on a whole new level. You don’t realize the power of a conversation until you engage in one with little ones. My daughter loves to hear stories about me growing up. She thinks it is amazing, that I too was a bit nervous on my first day of school. The role of growth and development is such a general statement and the truth is, it’s a team effort and us parents have a huge role to play.

This week, we had the pleasure of speaking with Ellen Galinsky, President and Co- founder of Families and Work Institute. To kick off a great topic, “back to school” we discussed the seven essential life skills every child needs. The "life skills" are not just so our kids can be taught, but that they will always live life with a fire in their belly to learn and live more.  These are life skills for parents as well as children and ones we can we can improve at any time.


Although, I like to think of them as Gems, these are the actual skills that come straight from Ellen Galinsky’s book “Making of the Mind: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs.” What I like most about this book, is that the author does not make you feel like you are doing anything wrong. This book is written in a non-judgmental tone or as Ellen put it “guilt-free”. Just science based facts about the brain and how our children’s minds develop and real life success stories and examples. Ellen worked for 8 years on this book!!

We all want to do the right thing for our children. The school teachers are there to teach our kids to read and write, but it is our job as parents to teach our children to be curious and to find a love of learning.

Skill 1 - Focus and Self Control - In this world of constant information overload and multitasking, this skill is necessary for the brain to develop and for learning. If you think about it both children and adults seem to always be doing more than one thing at a time. For example, I am working on 2 documents at once and just going back and forth, oh and I’m listening to a recap of Mommas Pearls radio show  in the background. It is even harder then ever to maintain focus and have the self control not to jump from one activity to another.

Skill 2 - Perspective Training - This skill is the ability to see a situation in different ways. The ability to consider someone else’s thinking along with our own. A skill that goes beyond empathy. If your child understands what their teacher expects they will do better in school. If they understand what their peers are thinking, they will have better relationships as well. When your child sees the world as happening beyond themselves and other people have different views, wow, they get it!

Skill 3 - Communicating - This skill goes beyond language skills but yes, using baby talk to very young babies helps them, so sing song away! However the next step is to teach ourselves and our children to reflect upon and have a goal of what we want to communicate. Have you ever gotten into the battle of “But, I want a candy right now!” Instead of answering “No”, you can ask your child “Why doesn’t mommy want you to have a candy right now?” When you get a child to think about another viewpoint, you may come to a better conclusion.

Skill 4 - Making Connections - We often teach this skill daily without even realizing it. When you are sitting and playing a board game with your children, they need to understand the rules and object of the game to figure out how to play. They are making connections! During a game of SORRY, the rule is that when your child picks a card that card will tell you a how to move the pieces. My kids cannot read but they made the connection and know when they pick a “Sorry” card, they may get to boot mom back to the start. So how about that? A little pat on the back for us parents, we are already teaching our children these life skills even if we didn't make the connection before!

Skill 5 - Critical Thinking - This is the “what causes what” rule. Similar to the “making connections” skill. The key to critical thinking is by promoting more in depth conversations. Asking our children specific questions and then continuing to discuss their answers will promote critical thinking. So, next time you ask about how their day was, try asking “what did you do today that was new?’. When your little one answers, don’t stop there, ask them “what they learned and how they learned it”. Kids are born with the desire to learn, we as parents and teachers must continue to stretch this desire and promote it.

Skill 6 - Taking on Challenges - It’s our job as parents to encourage and promote our children to want to take on challenges. When children are young, we want them to be able to put on their own clothes. As they get older, you want to see them complete a 1000 piece puzzle. Studies have shown that if adults praise a child’s efforts with “you’re working hard” rather than their intelligence “you are so smart”, we can help our children learn to “love challenges” and continue tackling not just the one they are praised for but newer and more complex challenges. In other words, they will strive to break the status quo!

Skill 7 - Self Directed - So, how do we motivate our children to learn? Perhaps, by example. If you are motivated to learn, they will follow in your footsteps. Our children watch our every move and listen to every thing we say. If there is something you don’t want your children to do that you do, don’t do it. Continue on with the skills and you'll see your children sprout before your very eyes.

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. ~Chinese Proverb