SHORT BUS

Image from Womans Day

By: Cynthia Litman

Pearl of the Day:  The New Normal

As an expectant mom, I scoured and assessed my kid's potential gene pool but like Forrest Gump’s Momma’s famous pearl, “Life is Like a Box of Chocolates and you never know what you’re gonna get.”

You cannot control who your children will be or what they will be predisposed to (at least science is not fully there yet).  Any expectant mother and father has nightmares during those nine months. While numerous tests are conducted in Utero to detect any  “defects”, there are many things that go undetected or develop later in life.

At any stage of the game you dread hearing any variation of “something is wrong” with your baby/child/adolescent/young adult.  Those locked and loaded words uttered by your doctor, mother, friend or teacher, trigger a chord that’s unlike anything else you’ve ever felt before.

Your child, now an enigma and so begins your rounds to the neurologist, audiologist, orthopedist, (insert specialist here) and repeat.  You request an evaluation from your school district (which you are entitled to).

As you brace yourself for the diagnosis, your entire being passes through its first emotional boxing match which ding, ding, ding goes like this – Upper Cut – I didn’t realize, Body Blow - Should’ve done more, Jab – He’ll never be Normal, Back Hand – I wasn’t attentive, and the One - Two Punch – What if? Uh, It’s All My Fault. You’re down for the count and alas you by knockout, win the “worst mother of all time heavyweight championship belt.”

Defeated, you lay riddled with guilt, and fully believing Dr. Leo Kanner’s 1940’s (now overturned) theory that “Autism is a condition caused by ‘cold, unloving mothers.’” Eventually you come to and realize that Dr. Leo probably had serious mommy issues and needs a session with Dr. Freud.

Kicking yourself doesn’t help your child but action does. As you peel yourself up you remind yourself of Barb Ling’s pearl that although “it might be raining where you're standing now, pull yourself higher and eventually you'll see above the clouds.”

Once diagnosed, it’s a whole new ballgame.

In order to qualify for “services” you must grant parental “consent” for your child to be “Classified as Disabled.” Wait. Your child, YOUR baby Jesus - disabled? Officially? On paper? By the State? It’s a tough pill to swallow and so begins your next round in the boxing ring of why isn't your child "normal".

Ultimately you will seek and fight for as many services as you can get for your child.

In your quest for your kid’s perfect path down the yellow brick road, you realize your GPS is screwed up, but it’s not a desolate path and there are bystanders to extend a cup of water, a tissue, and help direct you at the next fork in the road.

Luckily, we’ve come a long way in the area of Special Needs thanks to legislation, education, science, early childhood intervention, nonprofits and a growing army of parental advocates. Chances are a hundred, if not thousand, if not a hundred thousand other people are facing the same challenges as your family.

If you’ve ever experienced a “disability” you’ll know how frustrating it is and how powerless it can feel. Falling into my own memory of needing help with reading comprehension, my first black eye, being immobilized after my two C-sections, hobbling on crutches in high school after surgery, and recently when I broke my toe and lost my voice, each time facing the daily struggles and relying on different skills to compensate.  

As a parent, you just want to rest assured that whatever your child faces that help is available and their needs, whether "special" or otherwise, can and will be supplied in a nurturing manner and hopefully without breaking your bank or your spirit.

We are all mapped and hardwired in different ways and with all of our moving parts, it’s a miracle that any of us function.

With every 1 in 110 children facing life on the Autism spectrum and the origins unknown, we are re-thinking of how we are wired.  We are facing a new world where "not normal" is more the norm. Maybe these children will lead us deeper into our hearts.

Every parent experiences heartbreaks and triumphs and with special needs children it’s no different and to be expected, you will see your child sprint ahead one day then sit on the sidelines the next. The roller coaster never seems to end.

Yet, with each up and down, together you will build a fortress of strength and hopefully, share in the sweetness of discovering each new morsel in your select box of chocolates.





While we are closing out of our Back To School month by throwing the doors open to exploring children with "special needs", this too, is just the beginning of our path.

Copyright © 2010 Cynthia Litman d/b/a Tigris Imprints. All Rights Reserved.

Resources:

Autism Speaks

Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA):

Temple Grandin 

Children With Special Needs

Fellow Bloggers:

Love That Max 

Jana Banin