Healing Home

By: Cynthia Litman

Pearl of the day: A Soft Divide

Home Is Where The Heart Is

When we look at our attachments they can take on a more emotional form and like Dorothy Gale’s famous pearl “there’s no place like home”.

There’s no place where we are so attached and so vulnerable. Or at least we start out that way when the umbilical chord attaches and sustains the unborn via its mother.

Even after the chord is cut, the end trails linger as our dependency takes root.

Our families shape the mold of who we are and how we feel.  Lifetimes are spent trying to fit that mold. As Natalie Berthold says “children just want to be loyal, good and please their parents.”

The family we are born to (or placed with) is the first chord we string and who we draw upon for support.

Yet many pristine familial environments are polluted. No family system and dynamic is perfect. We all have our issues and challenges to meet. However, home holds the most power over us. Particularly emotionally. Every tear, grunt, sigh, laugh, moan, chill, fear is exponentially powerful when elicited on the home front.

So when something disrupts the family system it shakes us to our core. If someone backs out of their assigned role in the family unit, it leaves the rest to cope, pick up the slack and assume a role they aren’t used to their emotions are compounded.

Even minor incidences can penetrate the kids emotional field. If I even raise my voice an octave or give my daughter a sharp "NO!" she loses it. My son is also sensitive to any perceived attack. 

Young children haven’t quite developed their filters to protect their emotional bodies. Older children may have become too porous from their younger years to no longer be able to discern,  hold or recognize healthy boundaries.

Handling children with kids glove is unrealistic but being aware of your impact upon them can mean a world of difference. Permitting the space within the family unit is not just a healthy dynamic but a necessary function of each individual’s experience within the family unit.

So it would seem that detachment is a healthy phenomenon. Just remember not to run with your scissors as you begin to cut your chords. 

Try a more gradual, layered approach and be gentle with yourself and remember this gem, healing is a process, not a band aid.

Re-visit SCAR TISSUE where we begun this string of pearls…

Watch the Mommas Pearls VLOG.

Tune into the Mommas Pearls Radio Show.

 
Copyright © 2011 Cynthia Litman. All Rights Reserved.