A Wing and a Prayer

By: Cynthia Litman

Pearl of the Day: Fingers Crossed, Eyes Open

Free Bird

Many in life live with this pearl as their mantra “expect the worst, hope for the best.”

We send our children out into this world on a wing and a prayer. We pray for them to dance between the raindrops and out of harms way.

Yet we know that independence is something that our children earn, over time, in small stints which eventually accumulate into great strides.  Knowing our kids are confident, self assured and able to navigate their way is the ultimate parental goal.

When an event like the murder of an 8 year old Brooklyn boy, Leiby Kletsky, who so desperately wanted to walk the 8 blocks from his camp to his home and begged his parents to afford this small token of independence and freedom, that on his way home he asked the wrong person for directions, which led him in a most heinous way to the other side, happens, we second guess everything and everyone and our open hearts clamp closed.

It’s beyond a tragedy that strikes the core of a close knit community and places the reset button on many parent’s minds about children’s freedom and independence. When we thought we could breathe easy with our kids we now gasp for air.

What good is independence if you can’t follow it home?

Just this morning, my son asked if he could walk to the bus by himself. I just laughed at his intuitive timing. I then realized how every parent will receive the “I can do it on my own” request/demand at some point and in some form and at some point will cede to their request.

I remember wanting that freedom too, it was on the tip of my tongue and I could taste it. I walked home from school by myself at age 5, actually, I remember dashing home to see my new baby sister. What was only 5 blocks away, felt like miles. And at the time, there was a look out for white vans, which I'd run away from and still terrify me. 

Now as an adult, I practically beg my parents to hold my hands. But I am glad they let go.

The four walls of the constructs of our homes expand out into our community and the  circumference of what’s your child’s familiar space, widens. The further you go, the wider it is. Your block, your neighborhood, town, city, state.... We want our children to be comfortable and most importantly, safe, no matter where in the world they are.

Our neighborhoods are our testing grounds for life.

What we send out and bring into our communities matter. When an event like this happens, we realize we are all each others children. We have a duty to look out for each others welfare, especially our neighbors. Without going full blown yenta, for safety reasons, we should be aware of who are neighbors are, what they are into, if they have a pool, if they keep weapons in the home, whose home during the day, who is up early morning, late evening, etc... but you'll never ever truly know.

After we’ve removed the training wheels, we have to trust fate.

There’s a scene in Ice Age 3: Age of the Dinosaurs (2009), where SID (a laffable animal) tries to save a bird from being a Momma T-Rex’s and her babies dinner.  Sid grabs the bird from the offering table and goes to set him free, all while the bird is struggling in fear, Sid then drops him off a ledge into the precipice with a "go be free" and as the bird is plummeting he realizes it’s a flightless bird and 50 feet below another predator snatches him up.

Us humans are the greatest animal experiment. We are all predators with marked prey, whether money, food, achievement, enlightenment, love, status or a great summer sale. Our darker side preys upon bullying, abuse, kidnapping, drugs, alcohol, addictions or violence. 

  

What holds us from evolving beyond these instincts and into utopia?

All tendencies are engrained in our human instincts and evolutionary experience.  With the billions of people in this world forming the most eclectic trail mix ever, it’s hard to avoid the nuts and just get the golden raisins.

My grandparents were the ultimate survivors and when I’d say something positive like, “my son is so handsome and strong” they’d be so quick to say “kananahora, poi, poi, poi” and follow with “god willing.” With them there were never enough lucky charms to cloak the ones they loved.

While I adorn plenty of amulets, I want to hope for the best - in people, myself, my children, my neighbors - and expect better than the best, I want my children to exceed and raise the expectation bar even higher.

Fingers crossed. Eyes open.