I, Retreat

By: Cynthia Litman

 

Pearl of the day: Reach Out & Dive In

I spent a weekend with my girlfriends up at the Kripalu Center for the "Expect Miracles" retreat led by Gabrielle Bernstein  and one of the many pearls she shared derived from the story of the clay covered Golden Buddha of "claiming your true power by chiseling away all the clay that you’ve used to cover your inner light."

While society urges us to forge full steam ahead, retreating is not a weakness. Sometimes calling back your forces enables you to see where your strength lies and ward off defeat. Pulling away from your daily routine offers clarity. 

Leaving my family for the weekend required trust. My children will be cared for and the house will still be standing in some form upon my return.  I often encourage moms in my MomShops to take breaks as stepping out opens the space for your partner, co-workers and others in your life step in. I love seeing my husband take the reigns while I'm off climbing the mountain.

ahhhhh, the long-sigh view

Retreat

While in the Berkshires,  there was no place else for me to be except within myself, my thoughts, feelings and only myself to tend to and care for. Oh how long it's been. I held the intention to retreat back into myself, gather the gifts from the past, reclaim my spirit and cleanse my soul.

I was able to honestly feel the weight upon my shoulders of all that I assume and set it aside. This was my time to focus on my body, mind and soul in an environment which fosters clean active living with a blend of silence, noise, movement and stillness, sweaty days, cool nights and lots of local yummy food.   

i slept here

But it felt like....

 :)

Our room slept 22 girls, it was barracks/dorm room/camp bunk bed style rolled into one. The air of the converted monestary remains and the atmosphere is respectful and introspective with silent breakfast and a lights out at 9pm policy. 

As it was a place and time to awaken not to sleep, I spent the night in thought and waking image. My body was re-building muscle memory from its active day and I trusted it to its own awakening. My mind was still yet active. My spirit was shedding it's skin of what Gabby calls "limiting beliefs". 

Gathering Self

I recalled my past selves - the girl who kicked ass in sports, who loved dancing, learning, and who feared little, who donned flawless skin, whose eyes were wide open and empathic - and committed to bringing all the former glory into my present self.  

There's no reason to leave any part of me behind as I enter wholeness. In wholeness each part of yourself is fully present and integrated.

Reclaiming My Spirit

When you break through, in my case, chisel through, you are left utterly exposed. It's scary to be so openly vulnerable without the familiar defenses you’ve spent hours, years, decades fortifying.  Seeing other participants crack open and expose their vulnerabilities was inspiring.  Friendships forged and communities formed to support eachother and hold space.

The truth becomes more visible although it may be harder to digest. However, the underlying excitement whispers that you are on the verge of growth.

Being cracked so open I was not quite ready to return home into the faster paced vibe of my household and into being jungle gym mom. My journey of gathering and letting go continues. 

Soul Cleanse

Once the walls come tumbling down you can sit in the soft raw vulnerable space and feel what is and is not working in your life, or, work feverously to re-build that wall. Pattern shattering will tempt you to rebuild the wall with the same fears that you just shattered. Evolving leads you towards choosing entirely different material or perhaps press on without barriers.

Despite my instinctual resistance, that wall is staying down as my old wounds, shadowy self and ego are not yet ready to be vaulted up. Self love is the prime motivator to continue removing each remnant of clay to emerge all the wiser, stronger and brighter.

Retreats are the perfect opportunity to reach out and dive right into your whole golden self. 

Thank you, Gabby. :)

Check out Gabby's amazing website for women www.herfuture.com.