Pearl of the week: A Breath of Life
The world just got smaller and Washington Irving's pearl, "there is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love" are streaming down my face.
With the holiday lights twinkling in the night sky, the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting burns brightly in my mind. I learned about the incident at Sandy Hook soon after it happened but couldn’t bring myself to go there until later in the day. I had too much left to do - pick up my children from school, after school activities, buy holiday gifts, groceries and get some contracts out to clients.
Besides, it is just too soon after Hurricane Sandy to be dealt another devastating blow. Then a mom at pick up had it all fresh on her mind. I dove in a bit but still was walled off.
After my day was done, I found some alone time to open my heart to what was transpiring a few hundred towns away. My reactions were strong and fierce, tears, anger, disbelief, shame, disgust, concern for special needs children, all of it surging at once warranting a response.
How do you turn back to your normal life as usual in the wake of such tragedy? We had a celebratory filled weekend, a holiday party and a birthday party. Bet you the affected families did as well, perhaps there was a birthday boy or girl in the mix.
The thought of any mother converting party planning into funeral planning is just to much to bear.
This could have happened in any school on any given morning and it struck everyone through the heart.
The world is once again at war with itself.
In many respects our schools are war zones. Our children’s lives and wellness are always on the line.
We fight drugs.
We fight to drinking and driving.
We fight bullying.
We fight child obesity and the cheap unhealthy meals served under contract.
We fight overly stressed out kids with too much homework.
We fight to meet expectations for the standarized test scores.
We fight girls with eating disorders and poor body image.
We fear sexual predators lurking at the school gates.
We fight the feelings of being picked last in gym class.
We fight for allergy awareness.
We fight for allergy awareness.
We fight against shrinking budgets.
We fight for special services for our children.
On all fronts we fight. We fight. We fight.
Our school spirit gets lost in the fight.
Teachers are already under intense pressure to perform. Teachers are not supposed to be human shields or decoys. Yet the already are, in every respect they take bullets for our children.
Most likely, national mandates will force school and childcare organizations to tighten their security details. Picture lock down drills like air raids in the 50's. Are the suburbs ready for an inner city experience with armed guards and metal detectors in schools? Is that the answer?
Mandated or not, all schools seem to be examining their current policies and seeking professional recommendations for new protocols. Measures must be taken to appease parent demands. However, are extenuating circumstances ever preventable? Are we ever 100% safe? Of course not.
Safety is part prevention, awareness, illusion and sheer fate.
Safety First.
My son's principal's philosophy was always "Safety First, Education Second." This used to bug me, shouldn't schools be focused on education first? But now I get it.
My conversation with my children around this incident focused on a similar theme, “no matter where you are at any given time, you always have to trust your instincts.” And that’s truth. It feels like nowhere in our familiar world is safe – school (Newton), movies (Aurora), malls (Southern California), church (Pennsylvania). Must we always be on guard?
Teaching our kids to trust their gut and hone their instincts is perhaps the greatest survival skill.
We can make schools the safest places on earth but that will not prevent internal wars. Gun control, mental health and security are issues so closely interrelated that one cannot be considered without the other.
Nothing taught in school matters if a person can so quickly turn dark.
Inner Peace.
Our refuge lies within. Only you are privy to what lies in the depths of your heart. Keeping your inner world a safe haven takes constant work. Sometimes you turn against yourself and your thoughts turn dark. Your actions beg to follow. We all have trigger points and the people closest to us know them well.
Evil touches us all, it’s the dark side that creeps out and yells at the driver who cut you off, that grows impatient and ill tempered. Trusting you will not be pushed passed your breaking point is paramount to keeping yourself and others out of harms way. Knowing you have a support system to help pull you back into light can make all the difference in the world. If your friends and family are not your go to choices, there must be easy and affordable access to support and services.
Mike Huckabee may not be all wrong when he says God is out of school except sub out the stigmatic religious connotation for a basic sense of humanity. Cooky-ness aside, integrating humanities into our core curriculum may just be more important than math.
Instilling awareness of others, respect for life, empathy, community, belonging are core values to a creating a world of peace, love and happiness.
Acceptance.
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| Vigil |
Word to the Mother
Which is the bigger nightmare as a parent, your child being an innocent victim or the perpetrator of such a heinous act?
My heart bleeds for Adam Lanza, the 20 year old shooter so central to this story. If we demonize him we perpetuate negativity and empower exclusion. Adam was someone's child. He sported the same haircut as my son. How did he grow so disconnected, so desensitized, so unable to see the children in the moments he rampaged them? How could he not see that those children were the future and the apple of their parent’s eyes? They had lives to live, birthday's to celebrate and children of their own to bear into this world.
We work so hard to teach our kids right from wrong and say they are sorry when they hurt another. We pray so hard that they dance between the raindrops so if a hailstorm of bullets are fired down their hallway, they'd somehow be spared like the 6 year old girl who played dead alongside her dead classmates.
There's only so much that's within your control as a parent, the rest is up to your child's fate.
Gun Control
If every bullet in this world has a name on it, including yours, how can you ever dodge it?
Gun control is now a front burner issue. My personal feeling is that one loaded gun around my children is one gun to many. Let alone stockpiling an arsenal. A gun is just too permanent. The tiniest prick of a needle makes a bleed but a bullet can shatter our bodies, lives, families and community forever.
As everything can be turned into a weapon it’s a broader conversation than guns. With the promise of more stringent laws, gun sales have soared since the incident. You'd think people would voluntarily toss out their guns but the opposite is happening.
Supposedly the world didn't end, but was that only for some?
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| Charlotte Grace, age 6 |
The world ended for Newton, Ct. The way we all look at schools also forever ended. Parents are already vulnerable when it comes to our children and this struck right at the core of our vulnerabilities. We need cause for hope.
Then she appeared on my Facebook homepage, a 6 year old girl's angel face. In her eyes, I saw my son. She could have just as easily been my son. In the moment I saw her, I saw how she and my son could have met up one day, in college perhaps and been friends. Charlotte struck me with grace.
In her eyes I knew that nothing of this earth harmed her and am certain the angels came in and swept up her spirit before any bullet struck her. I knew she was safe and smiling in heaven. I love this girl and will always remember her. She rekindled my hope.
I saw the power we have to instantaneously be so connected with each others experiences - pain, sorrow and joy. The world rallied around Newton, CT. This is a miracle. This is a gift. This is grace. I'll take any small blessing in this unholy tale.
Natural Violence
We are so shocked that something like this can happen yet our society seems so numb and desensitized to violence. We see violent images and outrageous dramatizations every day via the media - social, television, print.
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| Starbucks Chalkboard |
We don't honor even a moment of silence for the lives claimed in the name of freedom as they are casualties of our war on terror. Yet those foreign communities are just like Newton, suffering, hearts wrenched with grief. But we'll pull out soon.
Mother Nature is violent enough as Hurricane Sandy just proved. Unnatural events grates against our humanity. Both have ever lasting effects and assault our senses. (side note, what is up with the name SANDY this year?)
Life Goes On
These moments make it very hard to breathe. A breath of life amidst death.
Hug your children and loved ones especially tight this holiday season. We are so lucky that their light shines in our lives. Each moment is a miracle. You never know which will be your last. When you'll be spending a holiday alone or from beyond.
This holiday season instead of putting energy into the fight, pray for the peace inside all of us.
My Prayer
May every empty children's bed be filled with grace.
Let the sunshine warm our hearts.
Let our dream for our children's future strengthen.
Hope forever remains.
Helpful links:
Newton, Ct Prayer Page
United Way Fund for Sandy Hook
Coping Resources/Links
Copyright © 2012 Cynthia Litman d/b/a Tigris Imprints. All Rights Reserved.
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