40, More Me

"Big Wisher" My 5th Birthday, Photo by my momma

By: Cynthia Litman

Pearl of the Post: Fabulously Forward

4-0, I bid thee welcome. A swirl of memories and wishes fill my heart as I embody the pearl seeing is believing by aging opens your eyes. 

Before passing into a new decade, an ode to my last. 

Dear 30's, 

We began with a full belly,
My life as a Suburban Mother began
My dream home was underway and all was well.
Until, it wasn't
Oh 2009 - you sucked 

You claimed my maternal grandparents

You turned my dream home into a nightmare
Yet made me an auntie 

You humbled me.

You challenged me. 

You fortified me. 

You brought me back to basics.

You loved me. 

In you, I found the real me, a Phoenix of remarkable strength, grace and courage and

a gentle empathic soul who loves to laugh and to cry. 

Thank you, drive through. 

Honestly, 40 couldn't come fast enough. I spent the latter part of my 30's in survival mode and finally feel that a new chapter in my life's story is beginning. 

A year, or 40 years, is both a lifetime and a heartbeat. The deciding variable is happiness.

Life is a gift which can be recalled easily or sullied by circumstance. You can opt for victim hood and be sucked into the swell of your situations or work them through without entanglement.    

Every moment is a gift in life's practice and honing our souls. Our time here is worthy of celebration. Naturally, 40 required a month long dosage circling amongst my groups of friends and family. 

Honoring 40

Surrounding yourself with love is the best possible gift. 

Feeling fully free to shine in the light of the birthday candles and being serenaded. My celebrations are in the little moments with who is present. My younger self would have obsessed with who declined and how it could have been better.

The many slashes I've earned thus far in my lifetime (daughter/sister/friend/student/lawyer/Reiki master/wife/mother/writer/event producer/community organizer...) still only define a fraction of me.

I embody woman hood. The Britney Spears song "Not a girl, Not yet a woman" was a spot on 30's theme song, now the tune is in the rhythms of dancing with my womanhood and my body, marked with the changes of my 30's.

My body is now for me and my pleasure. Very 50 Shades of Me.

In my 30's my body was a shared baby making space and then worked hard to find it's way back.  I'm not back to my pre-baby weight or body, cuz, um, that's never happening, but I've found my core, my strength and know my figure, which fluctuates a cookie a pound.

Pleasure comes in many forms - eating, entertaining, sensual experiences, soaking in nature, soaking in a tub, conversation, observing my children's smiles and bringing community together.  

Sleepy Sunday's are as equally valuable as accumulating the adventures with momma miles.

I respect my body's natural cycles of exertion and restoration. My body does require more vigilance. Fluky things have happened to my peers that warrant a healthier regime and regular inspection. We are of that age where body's warn you or fall into illness. And if yours doesn't then you are worried about your parents and your children. 

Welcome to the sandwich generation. 

Dinner conversations focus around kids, husbands, couples divorcing, health issues, our parents health issues, whether to cut bangs or get Botox and the sacred places where grays are not supposed to sprout! When someone stares, you wonder if your imperfections are noticeable or if they're marveling at your un-selfconsciousness. Regardless, you no longer measure your self image through other people's perceptions. 

In my 30's, I shed modesty. In my 40's, I shed my vanity.  

My form may have changed but my substance enriches. While feeling more connected with my beauty it is no longer a threat or a veil. I see the soul of a person, feel the moments and look for the wisdom in the experience.  I accept others as they appear and see the potential of where they can be.

The level of my joy is measured by my children's joy. I am a creator and facilitator in their development, experiences and happiness. No pressure. My life revolves around my kids and my mom notes "you have a few more years before you return to you". Yet I feel the most me. My joy is found in playing tooth fairy and seeing my children's wide eyed innocence as I wager when to introduce reality.

My Humble Beginnings

Life holds enough drama that I can lose the drama.

Back in the day, everything was OMG!!  Well, embellishment is no longer required. My life is chock full of humor, beauty, mystery, demon battling, characters and crazy. Not much surprises me and there's little that I judge in another.  

I dropped the pressure I once wore as a badge. Ditto for regrets and missed opportunities. My new pearl is "if it's meant to be I will make it happen. Or not."  

An organic flow of accomplishment is empowering and much less stressful. I've learned to trust time but action is also required. Passion and great ideas are not enough but is everything for manifestation. 

My birthday inevitably has me thinking of my death day (I'm a Scorpio). Meanwhile, my journey continues, filled with internal improvements, dropping resentment, parental tweaks and experiences to relish.  

With all I've come to know, I yield to all I have yet to learn. 

So 40, I humbly submit to thee and wonder what my ode to you will be. 

Next stop... menopause. That'll be fun. ;)

Related Content:
Nearing 40, With Grace?:  Please read my post on Your Bella Life

(c) 2014 Cynthia Litman. All Rights Reserved.