By: Cynthia Litman
Pearl of the Story: Stark Raving Aware
EL James hit the G Spot with the Fifty Shades Trilogy. The phenomenon sparked controversy, conversation, a sexual revolution and multiple opportunities to cash in. It shattered sexual barriers and judgements.
I, and 100 million+ others, were hooked into the fantasy love story and complex relationship of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey.
The book was major foreplay. It piqued my curiosity and well, my hubby was happy.
Appearing on CNN with other hot mommas further whetted my appetite.
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| Moms Ready for the 50 Shades Film with CNN's Richard Roth |
Experiencing 50 Shades as a 40 year old (non-virgin) is vastly
different than being a 20 something sexual neophyte. I’ve had 20+ years to develop
and discover my sexuality.
Safe sex takes more than condoms.
The sad and startling reality of our world is that women are horridly mistreated. It’s worse than unequal, women are degraded and categorized as property totally subservient to the men in
their lives.
Right now, a woman is experiencing domestic violence (and now, and
now, and now).
Right now, little girls are being sold.
Right now, sex trafficking shows no signs of stopping.
Right now, a woman is being raped.
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| Horny Housewives of Long Island ;) Photo by Hines Sight Photography |
So why’d I host a screening of 50 Shades?
Because I
can.
Because I exercise my Katy Perry given right to ROAR!
Because I owe it to the women without (sexual) freedom to be a bold birther of goddess energy.
Emboldened with a sister army of 200+ for an epic MomTime Events girls night out to see 50 Shades, hoping the film strikes the same chord as the books.
Christian had us in the twitchy palm of his hand.
Alas, he struck the wrong chord. The film is fraught with issues. The Filmmakers assume you read the books and can fill in the blanks as the film slowwwlllly chops forward.
SPOLIER ALERT Anastasia Steele is a simple small town 20 something year old virgin. Christian Grey is (supposed to be) a larger than life billionaire jet setting mogul Adonis/lost boy. They are worlds apart. She's emerging in the world upon college graduation and he's 27 and already amassed an empire off of taking things over and tearing them apart (see Pretty Woman for a primer).
It's lust at first sight. Anastasia falls hard and fast into Grey's dark traumatic world. She offers her virginity to him very early in their
relationship when he wishes to "rectify that situation." (ewh) Anastasia's first sexual
experiences are with an overly controlling man who has a red room of pain.
Come again?
If that were my daughter, whoa, I'd beat his ass for pure punishment and the pleasure would be all mine. Remember being a virgin? Seems so long ago but in dog years, it was just yesterday. Your sexuality develops as you grow and connect with your body, sexuality and comfort level with
your partner.
Our overly sexualized culture forgets the sacredness of this cherry popping phase.
50 Shades is no exception. There's no time to adjust as Anastasia's thrust forward into the BDSM world. It’s like having your first alcoholic drink at
21 and doing 21 shots.
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| Utterly Spent Post Red Room, Photo: Universal Studios |
Flirting with danger.
Your body is a temple with a vast memory bank. Sexual experiences stay imprinted. BDSM intensifies this. Mr. Grey comes from an emotionally and
physically abusive childhood leaving him "50 Shades of Fucked Up."
Mr. Grey is (supposed to be) a master artist of seduction. His mere presence shatters Anastasia. In the film, he's just such a cold dominant stalker.
He fully tramples Anastasia's dance space. There's no room in the film for her inner goddess to emerge.
He wants (consensual) CONTROL.
In a BDSM relationship, trust, communication and observation are the paramount safety strap ons. The line of pleasure and pain blur as you surrender control to your partner. One trains to practice this lifestyle safely. (i.e. the film is not a license to be abusive or abused!)
Which is why Mr. Ice Chip presents Anastasia with a contract outlining their Dominant and Submissive relationship, akin to a prenuptial agreement. Having already signed an NDA (without reading it!! ugh!!) after their first high flying date on Charlie Tango, Ana's left to her own devices.
How can Ms. Virgin possibly understand what she's agreeing to?
Mixing business and pleasure, Anastasia and Christian negotiate the terms in his boardroom. Anastasia ponders and sets her limits in a flirty and fun way. She wants more, he throws in a date. And Christian's gotta ruin the fun mood with his hard sex talk. Typical.
Mr. Grey strips Anastasia's innocence again, and again and again.
The book was fun (or was I delusional?), the film is curt. The sexploitations in the book rubbed me in the right ways,
in the film, well, there's only one that I dug (I'll never tell!). The word wringing in my head throughout the film was "wrong, wrong, wrong."
In a healthy and safe relationship, you willingly give more of yourself as your love evolves versus it just being taken, forced and dismissed.
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| Dakota Johnson, Anastasia Steele Photo: Universal Pictures |
As for the relatively unknown cast, Dakota Johnson was the highlight. I really liked her. Overall, the females in the film far outshine their male counterparts.
While there are flashes where Jamie Dornan could fully embody the larger than life young Adonis persona of Mr.
Christian Grey, overall, he falls short. He's boyish good looking and immaturely intense, but didn't ignite my inner lustful cougar, just sayin.
The males casted creeped me out in a never
go in a backroom with them kind of way.
The supporting characters made my eyes roll and you're expected to know their deal.
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| Image via Google |
Katherine (Anastasia's bold valedictorian roommate) and Elliot Grey's (Christian's surfer dude brother) story is adorable (book version). They are the "normal" example of a young couple falling in love which serves as a reality check on Anastasia's wacky love story with controlling Mr. Money bags.
Elliot (Luke Grimes) sleezed me out and was poorly mismatched with Kate's (Eloise Mumford) American beauty. Worse, he ruined the fun of "Laters, Baby!"
Kate is wary of Anastasia's enthrallment and wisely proffers the pearl,"take it at your pace."
Ana tries to keep pace with Christian who is all over the place. His stupid naughty rich world of skyscrapers, fast cars, fast planes, vast apartments and all sorts of eye candy distractions.
She places her life in his hands at every turn. Are they crazy in love or is it just crazy?
She places her life in his hands at every turn. Are they crazy in love or is it just crazy?
The film leaves you where the first book does. After "wanting the worse" Christian unleashes his dominance upon her in the Red Room. Dornan shines here as each thrash upon Ana, reveals his pain and increasing intensity. It's restrained, pained, wild and disturbing.
Ultimately Anastasia cannot be his punching bag. Mirroring their first parting, this time you see her strength rise and Christian is untethered. (I liked that)
What's love got to do with it? Maybe the love in their iconic story comes later.
I gained 50 Shades of awareness into unhealthy relationships. I've absorbed my fair share of shocks in my personal experiences.
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| Photo Credit: Hayley Byer |
The books opened me up while the film closed me down. As I walked into my bedroom after the film, my hubby fully expected me to jump him. I mean, I was dressed all hot for my event, got rowdy with the chicas and the books were um, inspiring.
The film made me reach for my chastity belt vs. my lacy blindfold (sorry boys).
And hence the overarching challenge of adapting a phenomenon like 50 Shades into a film. Like Twilight (EL James's inspiration), I'm sure I'll watch it 50 more times (and force myself to like it).
And, I may have to coral my mommas to put those bad boys through the paddy wagon.
I am curious if the sequels will pick up the pace as their relationship develops and he thaws.
I am curious of the mainstream impact of the film and grateful strong voices are speaking up about domestic violence.
This is the pearl as Awareness Empowers. Please share, tweet and quote this post.
Feeling strongly about the Film? Join in MomTime Events 50 Shades "After Talk"... deets tbd and posted on our FB page.
© 2015 Cynthia Litman. All Rights Reserved.
MomTime Events celebrates and supports women in business and life via community building.
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A Feminist View "One Shade of Grey"
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Related Content:
Mommas Pearls: 50 Shades of Risque (when I met EL James @Divalysscious Moms Event)
Fifty Shades Soundtrack (may be better than the film)
This Video "Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Gould
This Article is hilariously Spot On: 141 Thoughts I Had While Watching 50 Shades
Domestic Abuse: Safe Horizons
Domestic Abuse: Safe Horizons
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