Madoff TV & Me

Pearl of the Post: Twists of Fate

Once Upon A Time 

I was in a NYC yellow cab when I saw the commercial for ABC's two part Madoff TV series which aired last night on my husband’s birthday. 

Like a deer in headlights I watched the echo that has been haunting my family for years.

I'm quite familiar with that deer feeling. 

It's how I've felt on and off for over 7 years since Bernie Madoff's infamous "it was all a lie" confession. Those five words became the most powerful in (financial) history.

Those words threw my life it's biggest plot twist yet. 

Things fell apart and took a whole new form around me. Literally systems crumbling, paradigms shifting and volcanoes erupting. 

You see, I do not fit squarely into the “Madoff Victim” peg. I’m in an entirely “other” category reserved for the wives of former Madoff employees. My husband worked at Madoff’s company and double bonus, he was invested in the Madoff accounts.  

I was 34 years old at the time and the mother of a 2.5 year old and 11 month old. I did not know what was happening or what a Ponzi scheme was.  

Bernie’s words wiped out his fortune and launched me far out of my comfort zone. 

Our celebration of my beautiful girl's 1st year of life was overshadowed by our friends expressing their condolences as they connected the "oh, he worked there too" dots. 

Breaking Ground on Our Dream Home

That was the kick off party to a series of life altering events that deconstructed my world which I used to have a tight reign on.

We were in the middle of building a home. Our dream home where we’d raise our children and live out our lives. Those words turned my dream into a poltergeist nightmare headed straight to foreclosure.

My husband was in the midst of a legal shit storm that naturally flowed from the biggest financial scandal in history.  I watched my husband, a very well educated (he's literally a rocket scientist) low key guy, turn stone cold white with each forthcoming legal battle. 

The ABC series portrayed the version of Bernie and the Madoffs that people already have in their heads. I doubt we’ll get a shout out.

For me, making the switch after years of seeing Bernie as my husband's very well respected billionaire boss whose approval I sought, was a real mind fuck. 

I remember my 27 years old white bridal gown tiara wearing self taking my first lawfully wedded dance with my new husband in full witness to the Madoffs. We danced to the tune of Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong's "You Can't Take That Away From Me." (Link to lyrics)

Turns out, they can and did. Reality slapped the tiara right off my head. 

The irony is not lost on me. Words are powerful indeed.

I am constantly reminded that the jokes been on me. I mean there are 364 other days of the year that the Madoff TV Series could premiere but no, it premiered on my husband’s Birthday. My daughter’s 8^th birthday party is this weekend.

It’s like history repeating itself.

And yes, I had to watch. For me it’s must see Madoff TV. Spoiler Alert - it ends badly. Bernie's ending was our new beginning.  

My friend cautioned that I may not realize how traumatic it will be to watch. Except, I know exactly how that trauma feels. I've felt it for over 7 years. Any time I've felt free of it, something has happened (insert latest Madoff headline news here) to bring those feelings right back front and center. 

This latest go around is no exception. That ball of nervous anxious energy is sitting right in my gut churning with each TV scene. I have my go to resources to pull me back from the ledge. 

I’ve learned to navigate life’s twists of fate by tapping into my spiritual reservoir. I've learned to respect the process and to bring light into my life in spite of the darkness. My Mommas Pearls world is one of those bright spots for me. 

This birthday, we have lots to celebrate.

My husband’s sentencing was just this past Spring and he received probation in lieu of a prison sentence. The Judge’s powerfully worded verdict finally lifted the iron curtain that's laid on me like an x-ray blanket. 

I am grateful we can watch together from the comfort of our rental home.

The enormity of the Madoff effect has become a symbol to me and a warning to many. It sent me on a soul seeking quest which opened my eyes and heart but left me with major trust and money issues.

The ABC Series will once again suck the world into the scandal. The credits will roll  and people will spend some time around the water cooler to flesh out their critique. 

It's far from over for me and my family. 

Yes, my story is but one of thousands and our money just a drop in the 60 Billion Dollar Madoff bucket. Writing has been my therapy and my community is my support system. I'm just beginning to share via my newsletter. 

This is extremely personal, highly sensitive and the first time I’ve shared my story via Mommas Pearls. I welcome your feedback and insights via email. 

(c) 2016 Cynthia Litman. All Rights Reserved. 

Updated: 2/6/16