Pearl of the Post: Growing Your Wings
A piece of my heart just left on a bus heading 3 hours north. My son is off for his first summer at sleep away camp.
The experts say you're not supposed to tell your kids who are going to sleep away camp that you are going to miss them. You're just supposed to let them go and keep it all positive.
Well, I just can't. This past week "I'm going to miss you" was just about every other sentence out of my mouth.
Because the truth is, I am going to miss him something awful.
I am devastatingly happy for him.
Utterly devastated that he'll be away for the summer, incredibly happy that he's going to spread his wings and beyond grateful we were able to swing it for him to have the experience.
Sleep away camp was one of the greatest experiences of my life. You really don't get it unless you've done it. Once you do it and it's a positive experience, camp is in your blood for life.
Prepping him for camp has brought back so many memories and feelings. I remember always being excited to leave my nest for the summer. I remember arriving for my first summer as this awkward tom boy wearing knee high sports socks. To which this blonde girl from Brooklyn named, Melissa saw me and goes "oh no honey, lose the socks!!"
And, such began my transformation into a swan.
Little did I know that big mouthed Brooklyn girl would become my lifelong best friend. Little did I know that those little urges by counsellors and friends, and many firsts during my summers at sleep away camp to try something new would spark a courageous streak in me. Little did I know that that happy place would become my home away from home that I'd look forward to escaping to every summer.
Little did I know how fast time passes.
Time at camp is a funny wonderful thing. The days feel like a week, a week feels like a month and a month feels like a year. So much happens inside those precious days from activities to emotions and physical transformations.
I loved having camp friends and my home friends. It expanded my sheltered world. I mean, I had friends as far as New Jersey. LOL That was as far as my Long Island born and bred self ever stretched. In later years, I'd become friends with the Euros aka the European counselors who'd come via Camp America. They had accents and everything. And our soccer instructors were always hot.
It was awesome.
It was getting real. He was getting nervous and I grew more and more excited for him. We spent his last day smiling and laughing together. We picked up his last banana smoothie in Port and headed to the buses. My parents always drove me up to camp so I missed out on the 3 hour bonding time. I had some catching up to do. He was going to dive right in.
Woa. What a scene.
I've been tuning into him and sensing him during the day.
I pictured him arriving and settling into his bunk for his first night of camp, the butterflies and excitement in his stomach as it becomes real. He is not at home any more. He can't just sneak into mommy's bed in the middle of the night for snuggles.
He's on his own, with his bunk mates who are now his family. I pray he finds his Melissa.
Meanwhile, back on the home front, we went for lunch and it hit me. Our count is down, we are now a party of three. Such an odd number. There's one less body to feed, clothe and nag. We're one less body piled into my bed at night. My girl is now an only child for the summer.
Starting with, it's been all of 24 hours and I've morphed into the Refresh Mom (see Xtranormal video below and bewarned of foul language) who I've solemnly sworn myself against. It's taking me forever to get through this post because I keep checking the photo feed! Thus far it's been one blurry Colby pic out of 700+, but who's counting. If I can just refrain from being the Visiting Day Running Mom, I'll keep a milli liter of dignity this summer.
It's been less than 24 hours and I've already had letter writing to Colby sessions with my dad, daughter and my nieces and will be sending them out in sequential days.
My first postagram is above with a photo from one of our last nights with friends together and a quote my friend Erica shared during our TCS Happiness In Motion event. It stuck and Colby and I have been saying it on our morning rides to school. I mailed this card before he even left for camp.
I sent tape up in the camp trunks. Three kinds of tape to be precise - scotch, masking and camouflage duct tape. I'm going to assume Colby will find it and know to tape the post cards onto his wall. I wonder how many of the countless items I've packed will see the light of day or a rainy day this summer. Come to think of it, I'm expecting a 20% rate of return and an 80% loss on my trunk packing.
But I digress.
My money is on having a very happy camper. I can fully picture him embracing the spirit and campiness of camp and throwing himself into the fun. I'm not holding a space for it to go the other way. But if it does, and it most certainly can, we'll deal.
But now it's my turn.
It's my turn to hold my breath and trust I've done my prep work with him and our choice of camps. My turn to let go and see if my baby can fly on his own outside of the nest. My turn to see if the rounds of last licks of ice cream, family hugs and friendship circles were enough to fill his heart with enough love to last through summer.
Surely, I'll need them. I'll need them not to get tangled in the baby feathers. When he returns home, I'll be ready. Ready to grow into the next wonderful phase with him and for him. Ready to receive him where he'll be at and welcome him back into the fold without regressing to outgrown ways. Ready to honor the space, freedom and independence he's earned this summer.
While I'm growing my wings, I await his return with open arms. In the meantime, I'll miss him.
Sending a big bright light and a ton of fun vibes to all the kids at sleep away camp. I leave you with this pearl of a prayer from my fellow spiritual momma/camp mom Macha.
Today and for all the days to come
I send a prayer for all children everywhere to be happy, safe and protected.
Here's to a happy and healthy summer 😇
Amen
Enjoy the summer and cheers to all the happy campers and parents growing their wings! :)
Copyright © 2016 Cynthia Litman. All Rights Reserved.
I have no business relationship with Postagram or Letters to Camp. Although, I'd love to become an affiliate of or Brand Ambassador for Postagram (which also has Ink, Proflowers and Shari's Berries) because I think it's an awesome idea for a service. Curious to see the actual printed postcards. Will keep you posted. :)